Nobody’s life is as pretty as their Instagram. Especially mine.

15 rules of the Internet to live by

  1. When in doubt, Save to Draft.
  2. It’s under Settings.
  3. Bad metrics teach you the most.
  4. Never open an email attachment from someone you don’t know.
  5. Always mute yourself on a conference call.
  6. Never Reply All. Ever.
  7. Never compare anyone to Hitler on social media.
  8. RTs, in fact, do = endorsements.
  9. Great memes are born, not dreamed up.
  10. There’s no such thing as strategic authenticity online. You’re either real or careful, not both.
  11. Take a screenshot. Always take a screenshot.
  12. It’s not how much you know, it’s how much you know how to find out.
  13. Be a GIF snob. There’s nothing worse than cheap GIFs.
  14. When looking at someone’s Instagram, remember their life is not really that pretty. When looking at someone’s Facebook, remember their life is not really that happy. When looking at someone’s LinkedIn, remember they’re not really that successful. When looking at someone’s Twitter, remember they’re not really that mean.
  15. Don’t read your family’s or high school friends’ political posts on Facebook. Just don’t.



Former WSJ reporter and syndicated columnist now writing crypto and cybersecurity. The Paris Review praised my Johnny Cash post.

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